Something Nubian

After my diagnosis I was devastated! Especially when the doctor said there was nothing I could do. I was told I will have this illness for the rest of my life. Now, I had a little arthritis, but it was nothing like this. I was calling off work when the pains would ensue. I could, was handling the arthritis pains that would occur during the colder months with an Advil or two. But nothing was working for the full body, rest, sleep nor explaining, I mean complaining to anyone that would listen.

Part of my issue was admitting it to myself that I was hurting all the time, it was hard to move and I no longer wanted to. Women my age were roller skating and going to other fun events while I would pretend to care, I was just fine resting.

My increased time alone and feelings of hopelessness began to be more painful over several months. I wasn’t doing anything but watch t.v., cook and hang out with the children. What was wrong with that? Only everything. I wasn’t getting any sun or watching what I was eating. I was prescribed blood pressure medicine that caused me to be drowsy and so my interests became less and less.

I am an introvert and don’t like crowds much, so using my illness to turn down invitations was good for me but I was still unhappy. I would hear other’s voices that would call me lazy and tell me that I could get better if I wanted to, and they were right but usually it was when they wanted something from me, not when it was doing something for me. I had began to spiral because although I wanted to be alone, their voices was heard and not mine.

Taking back your own voice is relief

I began to have mood swings and resented them for not understanding, but it was all due to lack of communication, I was too embarrassed to explain my illness and so they just thought I was letting myself go. And they were right. I could not let them win! I knew what I wanted I was just afraid to be honest with those around me, that all I wanted was to research, learn to meditate, practice yoga and write. I wanted to do something new that as a Black Woman I didn’t want to feel guilty about! So, I created Something Nubian I didn’t even know what I wanted to blog about. I just wanted to write. This made me feel so much better.

Once I made that decision, I was hurting more but was determined to learn more and it made me want to do more, move more. I was relieved of duties to other people and their opinions of me. I wanted to be more bold but then the fear of my illness would pull me back and sit me down! I had stopped some rituals and picked up more sleep. But rest is the best part of finding relief in this illness. Did you know that?

We spend so much time running around thinking we have to get everything done before we could rest and before you know it, there’s only a few hours of sleep left, just to get up and start all over again. This causes you to make more mistakes, increased anxiety and depression, going further into isolation, not from just others…your soul!

“You don’t have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Most of us believe we have to serve just those around us and when we have time, ourselves but that is modern day slavery. We have the power to live again with fibromyalgia, think of it as the Creator’s way spending some much needed time alone in the presence of divine healing. Even the bible talks about Jacob with a broken hip, and allegory behind it was so that he can sit down somewhere and listen! Listen to the birds, trees swaying in the wind and heal in the sun! Nature can tell you many things, like be obedient like the tree and stand. Do what you are naturally suppose to do, not what others think you should do!

So I wrote a book! The Black Woman’s Guide to Minding Her Own Business it was a guide to living with chronic pain hidden from not only others but myself! Yes, I wrote this book and didn’t target Black Women with Fibromyalgia, only Black Women. I know that I was not alone in focusing on what my mind, body and soul needed so I did not target just women with Chronic Pain. I was still embarrassed! However, I was relieved, I didn’t mean to do it because I was doing what I wanted to do which was write.

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So what am I saying, writing brings relief? Not at all. Being true to yourself brings you relief! Creating rituals that is well with your spirit brings relief. Knowing thyself brings relief. Taking back your own voice is relief! I can help you with getting relief if this is hard for you! https://calendly.com/alluvialconsulting/chat-with-latrecia

Whatever you choose to do for relief, choose you.

Sending positive energy and peace