What if the question isn’t “What happened to me?” but “How do I heal from here?” 🦋☕
By Reiki RaEss
One of the most common conversations in fibromyalgia groups starts with a simple question:
“How many of us living with fibromyalgia are victims of past abuse or trauma?”
Within minutes, the stories begin.
Childhood abuse.
Domestic violence.
PTSD.
Divorce.
Loss.
Years of stress.
Years of survival.
Years of carrying things that were never meant to be carried alone.
As I scrolled through one such discussion recently, person after person shared experiences of trauma and chronic pain. Some were convinced their trauma triggered their fibromyalgia. Others said their doctors believed so. Some had lived through childhood abuse. Others experienced devastating events as adults.
Then there were a few who said no.
No childhood trauma.
No obvious triggering event.
No explanation.
Just pain.
And honestly? That’s important too.
The Search for “Why”
When we’re diagnosed with fibromyalgia, many of us become detectives.
We replay our lives.
We examine relationships.
We revisit childhood memories.
We look for the exact moment our bodies decided enough was enough.
Human beings love explanations. We want neat answers wrapped in pretty packages with a bow on top.
Unfortunately, fibromyalgia rarely cooperates with that plan.
Some people can point to a specific event.
Others cannot.
Some remember everything.
Others remember very little.
Some trauma is obvious.
Some trauma becomes so normal that we don’t recognize it as trauma until years later.
The nervous system doesn’t always care whether we consciously remember every detail.
It only knows what it experienced.
What I’ve Learned
During one discussion, someone mentioned being taught that it doesn’t really matter where the trauma came from.
Childhood.
Adulthood.
Something remembered.
Something forgotten.
The focus wasn’t on becoming a historian of pain.
The focus was on healing.
That perspective stayed with me.
Not because our stories don’t matter.
They absolutely do.
Not because accountability doesn’t matter.
It does.
But because spending every ounce of energy searching for a perfect explanation can sometimes keep us stuck in the same place we’ve been trying to escape.
The Nervous System Connection
Researchers continue exploring the connection between trauma, chronic stress, PTSD, and conditions like fibromyalgia.
Many experts now discuss how prolonged stress can affect the nervous system and how the brain processes pain signals.
In simple terms:
The body learns survival.
The nervous system learns vigilance.
The alarm system gets louder.
Then one day, even when the danger has passed, the alarm continues ringing.
Not because we’re weak.
Not because the pain is imagined.
Not because we’re seeking attention.
Because our bodies adapted to survive.
The problem is that survival mode was never supposed to become a permanent address.
What Healing Looks Like
Healing is often far less glamorous than people imagine.
It’s not always some grand spiritual awakening.
Sometimes healing looks like:
☕ Drinking water before coffee.
😴 Creating a sleep routine.
🧘🏾♀️ Taking three deep breaths before reacting.
🚶🏾♀️ Walking for five minutes instead of zero.
🌱 Eating something green.
📖 Journaling instead of doom scrolling.
🤝 Talking to people who understand.
💜 Learning that rest is productive.
The body responds to consistency far better than intensity.
A lesson I relearn more often than I’d like to admit.
Treat Yourself Like Someone You Love
One comment in that discussion stood out:
Treat your body as you would a baby.
At first, it sounded strange.
Then it made perfect sense.
If a baby was tired, we’d let them rest.
If a baby was hungry, we’d feed them.
If a baby was overwhelmed, we’d comfort them.
If a baby was in pain, we’d respond with compassion.
Yet many of us living with chronic illness do the exact opposite to ourselves.
We criticize.
We push.
We shame.
We compare.
We apologize for needing rest.
We treat ourselves harsher than we’d ever treat a child.
Maybe healing starts by changing that.
My Truth
I’ve lived through childhood trauma.
I’ve lived through adult trauma.
I’ve navigated chronic illness.
I’ve faced systems that seemed determined to dismiss experiences that profoundly affected my life.
I’ve learned that validation isn’t always guaranteed.
Some people won’t understand.
Some institutions won’t acknowledge what happened.
Some wounds never receive the apology they deserve.
But healing cannot wait for permission.
Healing cannot depend entirely on being believed.
Healing is an act of reclaiming yourself anyway.
The Real Question
Maybe the most important question isn’t:
“What caused my fibromyalgia?”
Maybe the better question is:
“What helps my nervous system feel safe today?”
Because while we can’t always control what happened yesterday, we can influence what happens next.
One breath.
One journal entry.
One walk.
One nap.
One cup of coffee.
One act of self-compassion at a time.
And some days, that’s more than enough. ☥✨🪬
Journal Prompt 🖊️
If my body could speak without pain, what would it want me to know today?
Affirmation 💜
I honor my body’s wisdom. I release the need to explain every wound and choose to support my healing one gentle step at a time.
Final Closing
The more I learn about fibromyalgia, trauma, and nervous system regulation, the more I realize healing isn’t a destination.
It’s a practice.
A choice we make over and over again.
One breath.
One journal entry.
One walk.
One cup of coffee.
One act of self-compassion at a time.
If you’d like a gentle place to start, download my free guide:
What Healing Looks Like: 21 Gentle Ways to Support Your Nervous System
And if you’re ready to read more of my story, check out Fibromyalgia is Trying to Take Over My Life, But It Will Never Take My Coffee.
Because healing isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about coming home to yourself. ☕🦋☥✨
#Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #PTSD #TraumaHealing #SomethingNubian #ReikiRaEss #JournalTherapy #HealingJourney #SpoonieLife #MindBodyConnection #ChronicIllnessWarrior ☕🦋✨
Something Nubian 
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