Something Nubian

The Beginning of the End to my Christian Faith

I was not raised to attend church throughout the week, nor every Sunday.

I have nothing against The Most High

When I was born my parents were just past being children themselves and were figuring life out They were born into Baptist families however the stress of parenting three children, being military and living abroad took them to a territory that was unfamiliar in finding their god.

Although the bible states there is an omnipresence and there is no need to search. They just didn’t look to be enlightened elsewhere. Was this a mistake? I don’t believe so.

I just do not recall being in a church at all when we lived overseas, in Europe, on my father’s first tour. I do remember being outside with my brothers and a friend with an English accent. We were neighbors and I loved to hear her speak.

At night, my parents played music on their reel to reel, cassette and record player for company then had drinks. My brother would put on headphones and sing as loud as he could and they all would laugh.

By morning, my parents were left cleaning up the mess, just to do it all again. This was almost a religious thing. Me and my brothers going outside to play and my parents entertaining guests. This was the most fun I had experienced that got me close to the most high.

Fast forward, after my parents divorced several years later, my mother would take us to church almost every Sunday. It was the church that my grandparents attended, her parents but we weren’t there much after we moved out of their house.

My parents divorce agreement consisted of joint custody and on my father’s watch, we did not attend church as a family. As a matter of fact, he would mock Pentecostals and Evangelists. I was a child and it was funny.

He did send me to church with a friend and due to the amount of white people in it, I just did not see the presence of the spirit there, not as I knew it to be. It may have been the last time I attended church with her and a while before I went back. These days my father is a deacon and mentor so I guess he had some growing to do.

Going to church is major to the Black community regardless of the scandals and hidden truth in the Holy Bible about the crusades and pastors getting caught up in their worldly flesh lower vibrations. Holding on to what you were taught about your faith is what is expected. I later found out why so many white people were Atheists or just did not participate in any practices, just to have order in their lives. Those fortunate were well travelled and educated on certain truths pertaining to the development of the institutionalization of religion.

Just like Africans, the Natives were raped too and their decedents are light as well, so I wonder are they really white or just white washed and know their real history?

Historically, before Europeans came to America, the Natives had their own way of living a sacred life and were adapted to the original instructions left to them. Many did not expose their practices to their guests and only did so in secret. Like the ever growing Reiki. Some took their teachings underground and obeyed the new way of the Christians out of respect during the period of genocidal colonization, but most were forced.

When I was younger, I felt like something was not right or as easy to accept Jesus being real or religion to be for that matter. I am talking about as early as the age of six or seven. I used to write in my grandmother’s expensive books (encyclopedias) that I would read, calling myself playing school. In those books I saw symbols and different words that pertain to other lifestyles that would appear every where I went as I began to travel to different places. I wasn’t able to understand the words I saw at first but I could not get the symbols out of my mind, which turned out to be ankhs, the eye of Ra and Ma’at.

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The Ankh resembles the cross and was held by prominent Egyptian figures representing life, unlike the cross that represents death. The third eye or the Eye of Ra is all seeing and balance is promoted by Ma’at. While this is portrayed as a religion, they are merely principles to love life, balance priorities and discern all things with intuition, which is why the knowledge is sacred and was secretly written (much like grandmothers recipe to a good pie) inside the pyramid walls.

Although the symbols were subtle, Christianity was the most powerful presence and done so purposely, because not only is it a religion, it isa business. I heard a preacher say once ‘I am about my Father’s business’. And people started writing checks and pulling money from their wallets.

As the author of The Black Woman’s Guide to Minding Her Own Business, the goal was to monetize it and to give insight on how to do so with your own time and talents, much like the church. The church monetizes their time and gains capital through it’s members without paying taxes, in the name of Jesus. Which would give the church members the needed push to make contributions to the house of God. I look to make others see themselves without coercion or guilt.

Like others my heaviest memories of going to church was during Easter. I never understood this holiday until I became an adult and then I thought of it in the literal sense and it turned me off, unfortunately. But the events of it made it fun to accept while growing up hunting eggs, eating candy and dressing up.

Telling people Jesus died for their sins is forcing them to feel guilty for not choosing Christianity because a person gave their life when in fact he did not. Jesus was murdered, and it was legal the way these cops make killing these black men in the streets and today due to a guilty verdict George Floyd is our latest Jesus.

Do they even know who Jesus is?

Jesus or Jeshua Ben Joseph is all of us and the church has made it their business to keep us docile by making the masses feel less than selling the story one person graciously gave their life so that we could live more abundantly is truly a play on our subconscious. No wonder most of the parishioners are on some medications for depression or anxiety. Who can live up to those standards?

Don’t let me get started on Jesus walking on water..

Ok, just a bit. Yes, the bible says Jesus is the way, the truth and the light; without light there is no life. Sounds like they are describing the sun to me. Doesn’t so that way to you? I promised I would be brief.

I am not bashing religion, some need it and that is fine, but don’t come over here like I have never read the bible. I have done so a couple of times and decided the second time around it is not for me.

I don’t judge. I found there so much more to learn and still had so many questions to ask.

Go to bible study you say? I don’t want t be convinced based on man’s logic. The Most High speaks to me too and I am shown so much different in other studies. This is not a debate or platform to be disrespectful to Christianity, I actually respect all belief systems and take wisdom from them all. And since I can not commit to one, I must not commit to any but to The Most High because no one is coming to save us. We must save ourselves.

What are you saved from?

Just curious.