“I’m truly sorry baby for what I did to you
While you were busy loving me, I was busy too
I played you dirty boy, did some things I shouldn’t do
While you were only trying to treat me good
I was playing… damn” Can’t Explain /Jill Scott
I had the great opportunity to apologize to a guy I really hurt! He was older than I, and his feelings for me were much more than my maturity level.
We met over the phone and one day in person. Our encounter was short at least for me, only because I listened to the opinions of others and did not pay attention to how our attraction to one another was mutual.
This guy was funny and witty, and this is what I loved about guys; making me laugh was a requirement!
One day I just decided to ignore his calls, I mean his own “friends” would say things about him that made me believe that he was not worthy of me, but I didn’t even know my own worth back then however what I allowed them to do was place value on friendship that it took me years to get back in someone else.
One day, some years ago, I had the opportunity to approach him to tell him what I had done was wrong. I had established friendships that could not compare, although ours was short lived, the guilt survived much longer.
I knew I had to ask for forgiveness when Jill Scott (singer, songwriter, poet, model and actress) introduced “42nd Street Happenstance (Can’t Explain)” from the album Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds Vol. 2 in 2004.
You didn’t deserve what I gave you but I gave it to you
I hope your okay
I hope your loving
Every now and then when I think of it I become teary-eyed arbitrarily because
The next time love came along yeah it was me who burned.
I experienced tremendous setbacks, heartbreak, and abuse for many years afterward. He told me he had heard things about me but declined to discuss it. I know he allowed himself to forgive me and was happy to discover he is doing great; It brings me a lot of peace.
There were plenty of lessons I’ve learned and because of it all, I have very strong standards in which I hardly stray from which are: apologize when you are wrong, not allowing people to dictate how to treat people and trust myself more.
Every last one of us didn’t know anything at one point in time. Glad I know now and apologizing opened doors for me.
Paid my price and looked at my life
And finally I’m loving somebody righteously
I was taught many lessons from this, all from personal experience. It was definitely something that I needed to forgive myself for which is essential to my mental, physical and spiritual growth.
Namaste
Something Nubian 