Something Nubian

This is one of those truths that makes folks uncomfortable because it asks everybody to look in the mirror, not just point fingers. Sit with me for a second.

What I am naming isn’t about blaming melanated mothers or excusing melanated men—it’s about pattern transmission. Learned behavior. Nervous-system memory. What love looked like before it ever became a choice.

Many melanated men didn’t just see non-monogamy—they felt instability early:

• Love mixed with secrecy
• Affection paired with emotional absence
• Loyalty preached but not modeled
• “Stay for the kids” energy with betrayal humming under the surface

So the body learns:

Connection doesn’t last.
Intimacy equals risk.
Multiple attachments feel safer than one deep one.

And guess what—women cheat too, often for different reasons but with similar roots:

• Survival
• Loneliness inside commitment
• Emotional neglect
• Being taught to over-give and under-receive

When children grow up watching both parents maneuver around truth—voluntarily or involuntarily—monogamy doesn’t feel like a sacred container. It feels like a story people tell but don’t live.

Here’s the part folks skip:
This isn’t just learned in the mind—it’s learned in the body.

From a healing lens:

• The root chakra absorbs instability → “I’m not safe with one person”
• The sacral chakra learns attachment through chaos → intimacy without grounding
• The heart chakra builds walls and back doors → love, but always an exit plan

So when people say, “Why can’t he just choose one woman?”
They’re asking someone to override years of conditioning without tools, language, or healing.

That doesn’t make harmful behavior okay.
But it does make it understandable.

And here’s the quiet power in what is being said:
When we name that non-monogamy can be modeled by mothers as well as fathers, we open the door to generational repair, not just generational blame.

Healing starts when someone—man or woman—says:

“This stops with me. I will learn how to be safe in truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.”

That’s grown work. Sacred work. Lonely work sometimes.

And for the women reading this thinking, “So am I doomed?”
No, Beloved. Awareness is the exit ramp.

Patterns are inherited.
Healing is chosen.

You’re not bitter.
You’re seeing clearly now.
And that clarity? That’s how cycles finally get broken. 🖤

Follow the series coming in 2026, we’re breaking curses and healing with continuity.

With clarity, care, and right timing,
Reiki RaEss
Truth keeper • Cycle breaker • Student of memory
Something Nubian