Something Nubian

Many women are hurting from this illness (some men are too)!

I refuse to argue or fight. Arguing increases stress and I carry a knife because fighting is not in the equation for me. I am not afraid I will lose but I would not ever start anything either.

Unfortunately, I have missed out on so many family functions, not that I fear I would have to fight anyone but because I feel like I would be the party pooper and don’t ever like to try to convince someone why I don’t feel like staying. There is always someone in the bunch that will call you lazy or accuse you of not ever wanting to do anything, as if you asked them.

And let us not exclude the sex talk …

Some women do not even want to be touched. Let’s face it without fibromyalgia, women over 50 are like don’t come this way if you do not know how to light a fire! I am 46 and get an attitude at times when my husband act like he don’t know the rules. I’m serious!

In these times you have to send out a search party for your sex drive because living with chronic pain means you have completely lost it, like a pair of glasses sitting right on top of your head!

I am grateful that I am still irresistible to my husband, unfortunately feeling like you have the flu every day of your life does not feel sexy. I mean come on, just because I am in pain does not mean I do not take care of my hair SOMETIMES or I don’t know how to put on decent clothes SOMETIMES. It takes a lot to go beyond feeling sexy without a whole lot of help.

And because you feel like this you believe others will not remember to not hug or cuddle with the sick person, every day, forever… that is a huge ask. But is a real turn off when it is not considered. The struggle is real, yet very complex.

I thought it was the medication and if it were not for the other side effects, I would not know. I do find that my skin hurts, I do not like to wear clothes and at times other issues present themselves like migraines or random sciatica. So I only take a muscle relaxer at bedtime, and I did not find that it affects my sex drive. However, I just find it rough to even think about at times.

Cymbalta, Lyrica, Topomax, and Gabapten is said to affect your hormones and so if that is something anyone is taking that may want to heat things up in the bedroom, approach your doctor to make some changes. These medicines prescribed are not really fibromyalgia targets and cause numbing, so blood does not flow properly to the pelvic area, leaving feelings of detachment. I have witnessed a woman saying she does not want to be in another relationship ever again; says she had too many issues with verbal, emotional abuse and trust. I overstand. Some of them may need to find an alternative if they are in a somewhat healthy relationship.

                                                              Detachment – 1

                                                              Relationship – 0

This diagnosis causes a lot of complications in all areas of activity! (Economics, Education, Entertainment, Labor, Law, Politics, Religion, Sex and War), don’t believe me just watch. Some feel guilty because they didn’t ask for this and the pressure can be a bit too much.

There are men who are sexual beings and believe it or not have the ability to be patient. There could be plenty of reasons for this: longevity in the relationship, he may have some chronic pain issues as well or communication.

Luckily for some men, ovulation is the time for increased libido so if they know any better, they will take all the hints or get all the smoke. It is also a period where women are likely to cheat so communication is key.

Making love changes as you age. It can affect you whether you have a chronic condition or not. So it is best to get in front of it and have a talk with your loved one. Tell them what are potential boosts in libido.

Jade eggs and vaginal steams increase libido as they get the blood flowing in the vagina, and increases orgasms that last. Also a little bit of cannabis goes a long way.

Transparency: I recall a time, after a steam, my husband was really shocked at how I took control and gave him the business and he asked what happened? And I simply told him that he did not make me feel stupid that day. It changed the whole game for us. We talked. And we keep talking because every time is not the same. I don’t get turned on like a light switch, never have.

But to be quite honest it was a mixture of things, I was not agitated that day and also I got the blood flowing in the right area to make it happen. Sometimes you have to come up with something out of the box. Something your friends or family may not understand or care too.

Me personally, I am open to an open to a plural relationship. We are not in this predicament at the moment but I don’t want to feel guilty and I don’t want to deprive him. I am in bed about 18+ days out of the month, my pains and flare ups are random. So if there was someone out there that was mature enough to deal with the both of us and it would not change certain dynamics I am open to making him happy by any means necessary. But that is just me.

• 

So Ladies, develop a way to get things started before getting to the bedroom. Start by talking don’t let your illness be your identity.

Purchase my journal to keep a record of your journey. This week I also self published a planner for women with chronic pain symptoms. Tia Mowry schedules sex once a week with husband Cory once a week, why can’t you?

Sending positive energy