Something Nubian

When I met my nine year olds’ father, I was somewhat of a perfectionist…

Shortly after moving in together, we had discussed an incident where he caught some ornaments in his mother’s home on fire by accident and how it angered him because he was chastised for her being upset over something she was not even (really) using.

It changed my life forever..

For many years I consumed countless items and had a very expensive crystal collection. I nearly lost my shit one time when my brother came to visit and his son (my nephew) decided to turn the swiveled mirrored coffee table top as fast as he could and everything went all over my living room! He was just a toddler but after that day I do not recall him ever returning to my house and I was grateful.

Later, my daughter decided to bring home a stray cat. Everyone in the house grew to love the cat but she had a very twisted side where she loved to scare the guests and they thought she was the devil. I believe my sister-in-law called her General (you know the one from Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye).

Well one day, my cousin had come for a visit and “General” decided to jump from the bar in the kitchen on to my completed set table with crystals, silver and ceramic ware and completed scared the soul out of her. I can’t ever recall her screaming so loud in all my years of knowing her! Needless to say we no longer have this cat and she almost lost her life that day.

After these few events and some others, I decided I wanted to focus on what was more important and to have balance in my life.

This was over a decade ago when all of these events took place and although my children’s father and I are no longer together,  I awoke this morning to a surprise. Our oldest daughter had started her laundry all by herself without me telling her to do so. Granted this is her chore every Friday but this was the first time and it was before 9 a.m.!

My children are home-schooled and are off on Fridays to catch up on old assignments, complete chores and prepare to leave with their father for the weekend. Having a routine is important, especially for families, consistency is what makes life less chaotic and confusing.

Granted, our home-school life has some drop of the dime changes but we call them adventures and get back right back on schedule if we don’t include them in our regular scheduled activities. For the most part we keep our same morning, afternoon, evening and bedtime schedule.

But, I discovered today that all she wants is to be is a perfectionist. You see, we have been butting heads on how she appears to be a know-it-all and her response to almost everything is “I know” although we have to remind her that if she did certain issues would not be. I love that she apologizes and we accept and move on; she learns from each and every mistake and grows from it almost  instantaneously, because she does not like to be in trouble and she just want some one to be proud of her, like everyone else does.

Although she is my second child and is an older sister to my youngest, she is a great big sister and an amazing helper in every way possible, to everyone.

As a parent, it is important to discern if your child has a disorder and what should be done. Growing up, my parents were both hard on me. They divorced when I was young, my father was military and my mother was struggling with the outcome of becoming a single mother of three. Things were fine as long as I stayed out their way. I was excellent at that.

I try to be conscious of this with my children and to combat this I always find ways to stimulate their minds. I find what they like to do and when I am not available, I encourage them to keep busy with those things. And with perfectionists, it is not all bad. We can even be considered as geniuses and achievers.

I am proud to say, I can see something extremely bright in her future, because no matter what she always completes what she starts and is focused on it until she is finished. As a parent it is always important to let them know you are watching and proud of them.

I am definitely proud of her…

By

La Trecia