Something Nubian

Many of us in the Black Community do not take self-love serious. It is usually covered with nice clothes, shoes, and jewelry.

Growing up I saw my share of belts, purses, and wigs, however still living in poverty and always complaining there was not enough to eat. Many times we love to be involved in so many things, places, and people that we lack confronting what is stopping us from loving ourselves.

There are three ways to overcome self-sabotaging behaviors and avoid allowing abuse into our lives which are self-care, confront it and be cautious.

Self Care

In order for someone to care about you, you must first care about yourself! If you don’t have time for self-organization of your personal space (laundry, clean children, time or inner-G) it is a clear indication that you are ok with neglect and in turn, your needs will be neglected.

Ever notice, especially Black women, are always complaining that they do everything for everyone and can’t get one person to help them?

This is true. Black women will stop, drop and roll for her men and children and then are tired when it comes to helping themselves. I can not speak for women in other cultures because I am a Black woman and know from experience; my mother is Black, my grandmother was Black and my great-grandmother was Black. And they were all different but had similar issues.

There are plenty of ways to combat burnout but let me enlighten you a bit. You must invest in yourself first. Give your first fruits (time, money and energy) to yourself. If you chose to buy stock in superficial objects you will get back superficiality.

Some things that are wise to invest in are books, businesses, good music and or  health products to boost your immune system, follow all directions and implement as soon as possible.  These are ways show you care about yourself and others would have no choice but to follow suit.

Confront it

Low self-esteem does not leave much room for respect or admiration, this can lead to danger. Too much confidence and not enough of it opens the door for plenty of disrespect, people are not comfortable around those think too highly or nothing of themselves.

Those that think too highly of themselves do it to cover a shame and appear fake to a person who should feel they should be trusted with their secret; those who do not think of themselves as worthy of anything are used and mistreated.

When this happens you must confront it immediately. If allowed too long it may be hard to undo causing more problems or areas of manipulation, creating a snowball of other issues.

Once you recognize ill-treatment decide on how you want to be treated and say so.

Be cautious

Always use wisdom, many Black women do not know their worth. They believe the lies they are told to them via television and at times, family and friends.

Not all Black women are teenage mothers, high school dropouts and live in public housing. And if you are, know that you mean the world to a lot of people just as a teacher, nurse or counselor would. Some women living in poverty are magnificent in those areas as well.

Some women living in poverty are amazing caretakers, who are healers or home-school their children. However, they become prey to those not looking for love but a place to live who may be very close to being homeless or in a relationship they no longer want to be in and just can’t afford to move on alone.

Check all facts, especially when there are children involved, they may be subjected to abuse as well creating new cycles of allowing mistreatment.

Overcome loneliness with studying yourself, discover what you like, if it is silence make time for it even if you have to wake up extra early or go to bed late for it but make you a priority, each day until you discover what else you like.

Making better decisions in the meantime, especially during cuffing season while you are single will help to determine if giving up what you love about yourself for another person and their life is worth it. What value are they adding to your life? Are they adding more warfare than you are dealing with on your own?

Asking simple questions about your future is self-care.

Namaste