Something Nubian

Going over thoughts of The Housewife  book … facing Fribromyalgia

I am thankful that my bathtub does not look like it did a few days before …

I want to teach my children better practices. There is a section in the book about “Children who grow up in clean homes will clean their homes” … I am asking the Universe to send positive inner-G on my mind, body and soul to over come allowing my tub to go that far with out being cleaned. I can not be upset that no one else is doing it and I do.

Part of my issue is that I hurt whether I move or not! So I put off doing anything until I’ve decided that I am not going to  worry if I will be hurt afterwards. Not moving is killing me softly! I take forever to do things for the fear of being hurt. I live in fear and wish to be free.  There are things I don’t do although I contribute, I try to push the “let’s read” about it more than say “let’s do” something. And that is not all necessarily a bad thing because that is how you determine who is the strongest in certain arenas of their gift; delegate. When you decline to delegate you become exhausted mentally, especially if you are having a hard time deciding, maneuvering or considering who is best fit for the job. Sometimes you learn by trial and error.

With that said, I want to do a million things like work an 8 hour shift that is conducive to my mental, physical and spiritual well being. I had that once. However, when I had the job, my at home life changed that. And I have harbored that in my mind since, the day I left, the day I knew when it was going to be over for good. Love will make you do some amazing things. Like sit and talk about it when it is over and spending too much time getting over it. Too much time trying to get it back, more time admitting it is time to let it go. I was told before “use it or lose it”  (meaning my goals/talents) and I had no idea of the Science behind it; absolutely no understanding of the statement because I was not truly aware of my talents although many have told me all time. I heard plenty about my pretty toes and was dead set on not having a muffin top …. but no real goals. After giving birth to my second child I tried to make sure that my body was in shape. A really good friend bought me a few series of Abs of Steele  and I was gloating about being able to get through the video and my eldest daughter of 16 could not!

The day after was brutal and then it took more than the normal 3 days for the muscle soreness to go away which caused major concern because I could not perform a lot of my normal duties like wash the dishes! I just could not figure it out!

Finally, I went to see my physician and completed a series of tests and three months later a specialist advised that I had fibromyalgia. I hated that it had a name. I was prescribed anti-depressants that I did not ever take and then soon I would see ads for the medication and began to say “I am going to beat this” and “I will not be taking those“. When I tried to go back to my normal life I couldn’t. I could run or walk or clean but would suffer for days unless I took heavy ant-inflammatory medications that would only last a short time; the daily dose was not enough and the prescribed pain relief would cause me to sleep during the times that I needed to be busy. I understood then why they prescribed the anti-depression meds but I still did not take them.

Unfortunately, this was how I discovered what my gift was … once I was able to see the patterns of what worked and didn’t I would work around my ailments by resting a lot but keep to my normal routines. This actually helped me to get things done because I had more time to think to research and to write. I began to write poetry every day. I was told countless time to start a blog or vlog.  But I didn’t take it serious. And now here I am ….. doing something new